remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
