I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
