Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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