I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
