So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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