The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
