i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We talked him into tasing himself.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
