I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
no you cant smoke seaweed
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
