How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
