You really coming over, don't trick.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize