so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
