You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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