I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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