remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
