Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
