This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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