How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
