xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize