Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Two words: nipple clamps
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