I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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