This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
did you just send me my own nude
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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