it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
