So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
