I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
