hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
