And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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