I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
