Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
