i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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