Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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