Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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