he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
