i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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