meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
