i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
