Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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