he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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