if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
