I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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