I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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