so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
