we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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