Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
