I bet he comes in French.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My cat gives me a boner
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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