dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize