I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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