At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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