I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
