I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
