am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize