Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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