Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
