I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
A+ Viking dick
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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