Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
