Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
