you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
