Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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