Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
