I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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