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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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