You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I need to align my fucking chakras
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