Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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