I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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