Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
