Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
