No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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