Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Mom said you looked used
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
