please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
