She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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