Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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