There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
