so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize