Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
