Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
