She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
