Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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