1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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