We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
