i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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