I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
